Words I never thought I’d see written anywhere these days, least of all on the Fox in Flats Facebook page.
Yet this was said on our page by someone within the context of a thread about the ever escalating cost of childcare, and clearly aimed at women who choose to put their kids in childcare. Note: they subsequently deleted their comment within minutes.
Picture that little girl in The Exorcist (with her head spinning around looking crazy and vomiting) and that’s how it made me feel. “
I’m gobsmacked that anyone would think that using paid care for children is a matter of “off-loading” them.
There are a myriad of reasons that families choose to use childcare, and I don’t think “off-loading” makes that list.
Plus, guess what? It’s ok to be ambitious. Even if you have ovaries, breasts, and YES, even if you have given birth.
That’s the 5 cents worth I shared over on the page, and asked for the thoughts of others.
Want to read what a bunch of intelligent, fair-minded women thought about it? To follow is a selection of the comments. To see all of the comments CLICK HERE.
I’d love to know what you think about this too,
in the comments section below.
“It is very sad that “ambitious” was the word chosen to describe mums who work. Many mums are ambitious and want to climb the corporate ladder, seek additional responsibilities and promotions and be a great mum at the same time. It’s great to have goals. However, there are many working mums who go to work and put their kids in childcare to achieve a pretty simple ambition – paying the mortgage / rent and putting food on the table.”
“I think we have a responsibility as role models for our kids to be the best we can be – and isn’t that the definition of ambitious?”
“How lucky we are that we have choices in Australia it is important to embrace individuality and to understand that what works for one parent may not work for another. I work from home at night so I don’t have to fork out for day care. One my sisters used daycare went back to full-time work and the other works part-time and uses home daycare …. The results a bunch of bright happy kids. Work stay at home part-time whatever do what’s right for you and be kind on others choices.”
“I think anyone who judges other parents on how they raise their kids (assuming that parent isn’t abusive or neglectful) is an ass. There isn’t a single right way to parent – it’s about finding out (usually through trial and error!) what works for you and your kids. My mum stayed at home with all six of us because that was what worked for our family. Some of my friends come from households where both parents worked because that was what worked for them. Some people have the support of friends/extended family, and some don’t. You can’t generalise about the “right” way to parent because everyone’s situation is different.”
“Choosing to work or stay at home is a very personal decision and some mothers are not able to choose. I personally chose to return to work because I love my job and yeah I am very ambitious but I am in NO way “off loading” my child. Each time I drop him off I feel guilty about my choice because of stupid comments like that ignorant woman’s.”
“Ladies, it is so important to remain employable, as you never know when you may required to support yourself and your kids.”
“Its no ones business but in this day of nuclear isolated families you don’t have the luxury of extended families looking after the kids or the luxury of affording to not work. And many grandparents are still working also and can’t be available as they too need to pay the bills. You don’t hear men putting each other down and its ok for men to be ambitious but not women? Women should support each other be kind to each other and respect each other. You don’t know how it is for someone even if you did walk a million miles in their shoes. I could go on for ever having spent a lot of time with people having babies and seeing how reality is for a lot of families. Dont judge. Its not our place to judge others. Be kind.”
“No more mummy wars!”
“Have to work! Have to have childcare! Simple really.If you have social children like mine,they thrive on it and leap ahead.”
“Ha! Would love to know what she would have to say about me. I have my daughter in childcare on a day that I don’t even work! Ooh aah – bad mother alert And guess what, my sanity loves me for it!
“It’s OK to look after your mental health, too.”
“And your physical health too. I had to put my nearly 3 yo into daycare for one day a week so I could rest and recuperate enough to look after him for the rest of the week, when I was suffering from chronic illness. That in itself helped protect my mental health too.”
“I don’t see how it is women offloading when in the majority of cases there are two parents working/studying. Surely it is just a case of parents deciding what is best for their families having regard for all their circumstances. Nothing more, nothing less. “
“It is all about choices. We all make decisions about where we live, the cars we drive (or choose not to drive), the clothes we wear, the food we purchase or grow, the holidays we take, and the things we do to maintain a balanced life and positive outlook. It seems quite common for people to feel trapped into making certain decisions because they ‘have no choice’ but there are always choices…”
“What I don’t get is why are women often attacked when they choose to be ambitious? What century are we living in now??”
“I also use child care when I am not working. There’s 168 hours in a week and I figure that the 9 hours I have a week that’s child and work free is my weekend and is essential to my physical and mental health.”
“I work but it has nothing to do with ambition ha ha… It’s called survival and running a business. When will women stop being so judgmental of each other??”
“What makes me irrationally angry is the belief that (assuming it’s a 2 parent family) childcare is a woman’s problem and not a choice that both parents make with regards to what is best for the family. I dearly hope that if my children have children that they will both be asked if either of them will be taking time off and not just my daughter or daughter in law.”
“I read that earlier. And felt horrified by it. Glass Houses and stones anyone? ? We all do the best we can for our families. Whose business is it whether you work full/part-time or are s SAHM other than your families?”
“Before I had my son I couldn’t believe my friend was planning to go back to work after a year. I thought that was wrong but I didn’t tell her that! After I had my son I went back after 9 months part-time. We just needed the money I had a totally different perspective after! My son loves Childcare and it’s great socially for him as he’s an only child.”
“That kind of comment is just so wrong and unfair… My 7 month old had her first day in daycare today and I’ve been feeling sick in anticipation of this for weeks not to mention crying on and off spontaneously for the most part of today.”
“As someone who chooses to be home with the kids, and is fortunate enough to be able to do so comfortably, I often wonder about this stuff. My eldest is at school and my youngest does two days a week at daycare so I can be present at school and do the housework etc in peace. This is the life I dreamt of and yet it’s hard to be with children all of the time, in my pre children life I worked as a beauty therapist, (it’s not a career choice that pays enough to cover Childcare and leave anything spare). Many friends have returned to work either part of full-time and while some would rather not to have to, many choose to for their own sanity, and yes, maybe due to ambition. They still feel guilt when waving the kids at Childcare/nanna’s house, etc… But everyone of them feel they are better mum’s for it. The ‘Feminists’ fought so that women could have the choice to do whatever they felt was best for them, so that we could make our own decisions. So, why is it that the ‘choice’ to work is denigrated? And in some circles, the ‘choice’ to stay home is also criticised, as if choosing to stay home indicates some lack of drive/intelligence or outright laziness.
Why can’t women just support women? Where’s the sisterhood?”
Where is the Sisterhood? I think it’s here.”
I’m so grateful for the way that such an uneducated, miss-guided and insensitive comment has been commentated by the women quoted above.
The Sisterhood is alive and well.
And as for me? My head has stopped spinning. There is no more projectile vomiting. And I no longer feel like I’ve taken a crazy pill.
Over to you:
What are your thoughts on the comment “Women these days are so ambitious and can’t wait to off-load their kids to childcare.”