I like being tanned. I think it makes me look healthier, and more vital.

Yet for obvious reasons, those days of lying in the sun to get a tan are over (we all know about the damage the sun does to your skin, but regardless, as a mother of two little boys, as if I’m going to get time to lie in the sun in one place long enough to get any colour. At our place, it’s go, go go!)

The problem is, I find fake tanning to be a huge hassle. And here are the 7 reasons why:

1. You need to remember to exfoliate beforehand.

My kids keep using my loofahs as boats, and my body brush to scrub whatever they think needs a polish – including the tub, the plug hole, and probably other holes when I’m not looking. So I tend to forget this step and/or decide I need a replacement exfoliating tool, which only serves to push the whole process back until I can get to the supermarket.

2. You need to do your hair removal the day before.

I shave my legs. And I’m kinda hairy. So by day 2 I’ve got stubble. ‘Nuff said.

3. I hate cleaning.

Whomever invented tanning spray is a genius, and I really hope they got a great pay bonus that year. But if only they’d invented a fairy to clean the bathroom up afterward. Cleaning up the mess is a total fun-sucker.

4. Too many instructions.

Since having kids, I’ve got a limit to how much I can read at once, largely driven by the constant interruptions by the little ones (just got interrupted then as I’m trying to…right-o…where was I?) Key point: who’s got time to read lots of stuff?

5. You have to walk around in the nude.

I’m a fan of ‘nude’. In fact on more than one occasion, I’ve tried to convince Mr Fox to trial a nudist beach on the north coast with me (my rationale being it’ll be full of people much older and saggier than me and so I’ll walk away with an awesome confidence boost – the complete opposite of what occurs on a visit to Bondi beach).

Yet my little boys seem to find my naked body highly amusing. When they see me in the nudie, they stand shoulder to shoulder pointing, giggling, and chanting “Eeeew, Boobie Girl!” While I try to hold my head high, their taunting still bites.

6. My kids don’t look good in fake tanner.

Just when I think it’s safe to apply tanning product, a kid pops up from somewhere. This not only startles me (which has, on occasion,  led to them being sprayed with tanner) but interrupts my ‘train of tan’, ultimately leading to Point 7.

7. The streaks.

If you don’t end up with inconsistent colour due to either Point 6 or just waning concentration, you’ll inevitably end up with what I call ”The Streaks Freaks.’ This is when, despite having a perfectly applied fake tan, you start freaking out, thinking your legs, arms, etc. are all streaky, and subsequently, that you look all freaky.

The 5 minute solution

In a bid to get over myself and my whinging, I spent the last few weeks investigating and experimenting with fake tanners. I figured there simply had to be one that would let me cut a few corners, save time, and reduce the amount of brain space the topic was unnecessarily occupying. I just hadn’t found it yet.

So after weeks of trialling some very lovely, very capable tanning products with differing applications and claims to fame, and which left me in various shades of caramel, copper, biscuit and bronze, this is what I’d recommend:

Scott Barnes Body Bling – Original $42

5 reasons Body Bling is awesome:

1. You don’t have to worry about all the skin prep stuff.

Just apply it to your skin, as is. Especially perfect for those days when you pull on your favourite skirt and realise “OMG my legs look like two pieces of uncooked chicken.” With Body Bling, you can brown those drummies without even pre-heating the oven.

“See…! Uncooked chicken”

2. It goes on fast.

The application took me about 5 minutes all up. So your chances of being interrupted by the kids are minimised.

So far so good…

One leg done before a little one ran up in tears…”Stop the photos!”

 A quick consoling (without getting tanner on the kid), and the second leg done in minutes – just before the other kid stuck his head into frame.

Before & After

There you have it! Speed-tanning in less than 5 minutes, inclusive of kids going nuts around me.

3. It’s coloured, so you can see exactly where you’re applying it.

This will minimise the chance of streaks. That said, it still won’t prevent ‘The Streak Freaks’ as outlined in Point 7, above.

4. It dries in seconds.

So even if your kid sidles up to you post-tan, they won’t walk away looking like a rasher of streaky bacon.

5. It washes off.

Great if you’ve got a problem with committment, or if you do manage to spectacularly stuff it up. A pre-bed shower is probably a good idea, or it will rub off on your sheets. I know this for a fact .

You can buy Scott Barnes Body Bling at  Amazon.com.

Note: No children were tanned in the production of this article, and this isn’t a sponsored post, I simply like the product.

Fake tanning: love or hate? And if you love it, what’s your secret?   

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